The Pumpkin Patch

Our neighborhood community garden has a pumpkin patch full of ripe, multi-colored, multi-sized gourds.

I marvel at the variety of shapes in this garden yet each different fruit seems to occupy its own distinct place to make the garden a beautiful, restful place.  There are small, white gourds with deep ridges lying next to large, deep-yellow colored pumpkins marked with misshaped forms. Long-necked gourds snuggle next to orange, perfectly round pumpkins that resemble artist-shaped displays. Surprisingly, this mismatched arrangement reveals a beautiful fall scene inviting a restful reflection.

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This garden is like a group of people – each one is different yet if you remove just one person the group loses its uniqueness.  I’ve learned that each person in a group has a unique function – there’s a leader, a follower, a secretary, a parliamentarian, a historian, an extrovert, an introvert and most importantly a janitor.

Everyone is important.

The historian may be irritated by the extroverts or the secretary might not like the leader, while the parliamentarian may question the motives of the historian but eventually, everyone will have to answer to the janitor.  However, if anyone is taken out of the group the business assigned to this class of people can’t be accomplished.  The members need to work together and everyone in the group is important – just like colorful gourds of the pumpkin patch.

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Your spot in the pumpkin patch may be rocky and rough and dark orange and ugly looking or it may be sleek and round and bright yellow with perfectly shaped edges. Wherever your place is in the community garden it’s the perfect place for you.

The Human Condition

A Generational Saga

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My recent book of fiction ‘Ripples in the Generations’ is a generational saga that explores the delicate process of blending the heart-lifting joy of a life-long high school friendship with a soul-searching genetic relationship. Two factions of the Henry family share a common interest; Williams’ indiscretions, yet each is unaware of just how much they have in common. The next generation of William’s family share his DNA, but William has divided his legacy.

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Even though this novel recounts the tale of a fictional family, worldwide some interesting and unbelievable results are being revealed with millions of people using commercial DNA tests to trace their family trees. Some results have been life-changing introducing them to relatives they had lost long ago-or never knew existed and some revealing long-held relationship secrets.

Sometimes when we poke our skeletons potential risks and positive responses sit side-by-side.  Taking the chance and checking our DNA makes us fragile, but being fragile also opens the opportunity to be brave and develop new connections.

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So, if you’re considering having your DNA tested, make sure that the commercial DNA company is professionally credible and you’re ready for the results; whatever they may be.

The Absence of A Report

 Why don’t people report abuse?

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Three basic reasons

•  SOCIAL PROOF – Victims decide about reporting or revealing abuse when they feel safe about the reporting.  They do this after they watch to see how others are treated when they report.  They then ask themselves.  Will I be treated like that when I disclose my abuse?
• PERPETRATORS – This defines someone who initiates, continues, fulfills or enacts a crime and continues the code of silence.  A perpetrator usually has a set of intimidating statements used to prevent their victims from reporting the abuse.
•  – “I love you, I would never hurt you.”
•  – ” I never meant to hurt you.”
•  – “I’m sure that you remember it wrong.”

–   HORIZONTAL VIOLENCE – People turn on others in their own lives because to address the abusive authority figure is too painful or too involved and ‘politically-expensive. ‘By ‘politically-expensive’ I mean that any change in the current structure will topple who that person has access to and reporting will change their world.

Possibly, victims or people who observe abuse don’t report because they’ve convinced themselves that they have a ‘different’ memory of the actual event; even though their inner self screams out to them that abuse-is-abuse.  Finally, and regrettably, a parent or authority figure may tell a child “You’re always talking about things that never happen.”

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Statistics reflect sobering numbers.

As of 2014, the United States Department of Justice (DOJ) defines sexual assault as sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.  Falling under this definition are sexual activities such as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as of 2016 estimates that 676,000 children were confirmed by Child Protective Services (CPS) as being victims of abuse and neglect.  1,750 children died from abuse and neglect across the country.  Stress and chronic abuse during infancy can cause regions of the brain to form and function improperly.  Children who experience abuse are at increased risk for engaging in high-risk behaviors.  Child abuse and neglect decrease the ability of people to establish healthy relationships in adulthood.

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Intimate Partner Violence (IVP) occurs when an intimate relationship has gotten out of control and, ultimately, life is at risk. (American Nurse, March 2017, Vol. 12, #3)

• IPV affects 1 in 3 women in the United States
• IPV affects 1 in 4 men in the United States
• These #’s are under-reported (Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

100 women have been killed by their partners this year in France. (NPR Podcast, September 3, 2019)

Questions to ask if you believe that someone is in an IPV relationship or any abusive situation:

• Is someone hurting you?
• Are you being insulted?
• Has someone been threatening you?
• Does someone scream at you?
• Are you being isolated from your family or social interactions?
• Are you afraid of the person you’re in a relationship with?

Most police departments have an abuse definition based on their states’ revised statues.  As well, each police department compiles abuse statistics.  The one for my particular state compiles the following data.

• 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18
• 75% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18
• 1 in 2 of all women have been a victim of sexual assault
• 1 in 4 have been victims of RAPE

Filing a needed abuse report is one of the most important things you will ever do.

 

 

Give It Away

When was the last time you gave something to someone that was good for their health?

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We all read information about how to keep ourselves healthy – it’s usually while we’re reading through a magazine article in the waiting room of a doctor’s office or when a friend says to us “Ya just gotta read this great article about vitamins.”

But do we actually sit down with someone we care for and talk about health issues or share our time exploring the plethora of health-related item available for maintaining our health?

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If we have the knowledge we should give it away – someone’s waiting.

Evidence-based, health-related, tried-and-true information needs to be passed around.

My challenge to you is starting tomorrow select one piece of tried-and-true, health-related information and give it away to someone in your life that makes you happy.

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You’ll feel happy too!

Malleable

‘Having a capacity for adaptive change‘ is Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary definition for malleable.

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This remolding can be accomplished either by beating with a hammer or intentional pressure from an internal force.  However, both of these methods require that the shape being changed is flexible, elastic, fluid, adjustable and adaptable.

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Gee!  That sounds like a shapeshifter.

Yet everyone can do it.

It simply takes desire, planning, and routine.

Sounds easy I know but these 3 steps are the basis of any change, such as:

•  Desire to improve your health
•  Plan to organize your personal workspace
•  Establish a routine for your exercise workout

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All these changes can be set in motion and you can be malleable quicker than a honey bee finding springs’ first hint of sweet nectar.

 

 

 

 

In Everyone’s View

While driving I noticed an unattended bicycle lying on a public sidewalk.  The cycle was discarded along the side of a busy public street.  A well-worn black baseball hat hung from the handlebars and the dirty strap of a battered red water bottle languished on the bike’s universal bar.

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This bike had a story.

My nursing instinct urged me to approach to see if the rider had fallen and was lying nearby on the pavement in need of help.  But surely on a busy public street like this, someone would have already seen the injured biker and called 9-1-1.

Maybe no one was injured.  Possibly the rider was tired and sitting nearby under a shade tree taking a quick rest before continuing their trip.

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So, I looked around.  No one was near the bike.

My next thought was that the bike was stolen and to avoid capture the perpetrator dropped the bicycle and ran away from the police – to be retrieved later.

Another possible option was that the out-of-town rider was taking an off-road biking trail, got lost in the city and needed directions since their cell phone battery lost charge.

Whatever was going on with this bike I decided to quickly drive around the block one more time to view the scene from a different angle which may offer an answer to my many questions.  As I struggled to view the bicycle through my windshield I realized there was no bike in sight.

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In the matter of a few minutes, someone retrieved the lonely cycle.

I wonder, should I have been quicker to respond?

I’ll never know the answer.

Are You A Team Player?

A variety of talents and abilities are needed to maintain a healthy body.

Systems working together maintain homeostasis ensuring a disease-free body.  Your lungs breathe, your blood flows, your heart pumps, your veins and arteries integrate fluid throughout your muscles which in turn deliver movement energy to all parts of your body.

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You move, you think, you breathe, you digest, you interact – you’re an integral part of the world.

Integrating these individual talents into a cohesive team is also effective in the business world. Each member has specific talents and abilities that enhance the team.  One is an attention getter, one is skilled at attaching parts, one is detail oriented, one is skilled at working on difficult problems, one insists on being the secretary for all events, one is the master promoter.

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Both situations of personal body health and team-building health require that important information be transmitted from the ‘central nervous system’ to the functioning body. Communication must be effectively transmitted and put into practice.

When you’re in a team-building situation, whether it’s maintaining your own healthy body or working within a team-building situation in your workplace. It may be interesting to remember that each individual part has a different job to do.  However, when you value ‘that’ job and add it to the suggestions that have already been proposed the outcome may be even better than you imagined.

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For instance, you may be relatively healthy but if you decide to exercise in the morning before you go to work your cholesterol level may improve and your energy level at work may be better.  It’s just a suggestion.

Or if you are part of a brainstorming group and stuck figuring out that last issue on a finance project you may want to ask the ‘geeky’ accountant who sits in the dark, corner cubicle – again just a suggestion.

ADJUSTING

BACK AND FORTH, UP AND DOWN, SIDE TO SIDE – WHAT TO DO?

Sometimes life is mixed up.  Jumbled-up seems to be the theme of the day.  Disorganization follows everywhere even into our thoughts.

So what do we do?

We understand that being in the throes of adjusting our lives is a central theme of life.  When we look at nature adjusting is a central theme.  Clouds adjust to the weather, temperature adjusts to the position of the sun, birds adjust to the availability of food and water, plants adjust to the warmth and direction of the sun, animals migrate to food sources, water flows downstream.

We learn lessons from nature.

When we find that things are difficult we should figure out why they are hard and then make them easy.  Sounds logical doesn’t it but in reality, if we take time to make the adjustment in our thinking or our approach to life our path would match nature’s theme.

Dealing with a difficult problem, working with a stubborn person, living with an abusive partner or wrestling with complicated emotional issues requires adjusting for everyone.  However, if your adjusting efforts don’t bring results that are giving you positive rewards – keep adjusting!!!

 

That One Person…

By the time you’re 2 years old, your environment has already influenced your developing brain. The message that both early stress and loving tactile interaction affects a child’s brain is nothing new (DiscoverMagazine.com5/2018). When you feed your precious newborn hold them and look into their eyes – don’t lay them on the couch and prop up the bottle with a baby blanket, it’s important!

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Developmental research shows that having one or more caring adults in a child’s life increases the likelihood that they will flourish, and become productive adults themselves. (Scales, P.C., Developmental assets: Amer. J.of Comm. Psy., 20(4),445-461.

Obviously, “That One Person” in a child’s life makes a difference.  Having a positive adult influencing a child increases the likelihood that the child will:

• stay calm and controlled when faced with a challenge
• show interest and curiosity in learning new things
• care about doing well in school
• complete assigned homework
• play sports or participate in some type of organized club
• participate in volunteer work or community service (Research Brief 12/2013 Child Trends – #2013-54)

This means that when a child has “That One Person” in their life who believes that they are special, that child has a greater likelihood of positive outcomes and a reduced likelihood of negative outcomes in both their family and social environment.  To translate this into everyday terms: the child will volunteer, exercise, stay calm, show interest in learning, be less sad and be less likely to be bullied.

You as a parent, of course, are  UNIQUELY “That One Person.” When your newborn is awake during those first few months, spend the time walking or singing to them; research reveals that these interactions wire baby’s brain for language and communication. You don’t even need to stop your daily activities.  Put your baby in a sling and kindly narrate your activities.  This advice is given to us by Dr. Lee Beers, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician with Children’s National Health Center in Washington, DC.

3.8 million babies were born in the U.S. in 2017 and a new baby is born in the U.S. every 8 seconds. (WebMD.com Jan/Feb2019). If you are attentive to your child’s cues they will naturally fall into step with the positive motivations.

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However, even if you aren’t a new parent there are many opportunities to be “That One Person.”  One is to become digitally literate.  Keep up with the latest technology and guide your children’s use of it – this will reduce the risk of their victimization.  Kids who face online cruelty report loneliness, depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety.  Nearly 9 in 10 teenagers have seen some sort of cruelty between their peers on social media (WebMD.com Jan/Feb 2019).

Mentors are “That One Person.” If you are a grandparent, a clergy member, a school teacher, a librarian, a social worker, a medical provider, a first responder, a scout leader, a cook at school, a bus driver, a mailperson, a cashier, a bank teller, a school peer-advisor, a caring adult then you are “That One Person” who can make a difference in a child’s life.  You are a mentor-like adult.  When the big scientific “they” examine the association between having a caring adult and the number of child ‘well-being outcomes’ the “numbers” prove that a greater likelihood of positive outcomes equals a reduced likelihood of negative outcomes.  In other words, having a caring adult in your life equals a better life for the child.

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Social Well-Being

Co-hosting with James Kelly the syndicated radio talk show “Aspects of Writing” that is devoted to showcasing writers, authors, illustrators, visual arts, and creative composition gives me an opportunity to meet professionals in these fields.

Recently we were privileged to host 4 distinguished guests who offered an exciting glimpse into the arena of creative writing and graphic design. These award winning creators share their unique talents with not only the general public but individual children.

You may often spot them at your local library sharing a precious moment reading to a young child or talking about the alluring illustration that adorns the front of a childhood mystery novel.  These writers and illustrators are well known in their field and respected by their peers and could spend their time in any number of ways.  However, they opt to read at your local public library or come to a local radio talk show so that their professionalism can be spread out into a wide circle.  They want their message for the love of writing and illustration to awaken in everyone the adventures that lurks within the pages of a book or the laptop in your hands.  They want you to feel, experience, absorb and remember the unique sensation that is possible from reading a good book.

Social Well-being is evident as these writers and illustrators willingly share their talent with the public.

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As you pick up a book your eye focuses on the cover art.  The purpose of the illustration is to not capture your attention but to intice you to purchase the book or download the ebook. Whether you are someone who likes to feel the physical book in your hand or use an electric devise to read a story you still are induced by the opening line of the story and any illustration within the book.   So the next time you walk by a shelf of books think about the author and illustrator who made that precious book possible and spread a little Social Well-Being…

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